Summer time presents many opportunities for sharing wonderful, fun filled moments with the kids. There is growing literature stemming from the research on positive psychology that suggests that we should do everything that we can to expand the attention and energy that we give to positive emotions.

There are many who would argue that this would be living in a world of denial, where negative experiences are avoided and we pretend as if they don’t exist. This is not the case.

Instead, the opposite is true. By nurturing positive emotions and positive experiences, we actually expand our resiliency and our capacity to handle difficult times and what we might call, “negative feelings.”

How does this relate to “summer time fun?” With a couple of minor adjustments in your approach, these wonderful fun filled moments can become more than just a pleasant memory for your children. You can take these moments, and begin to expand those experiences in ways that have far reaching implications for your child’s happiness and their future.

The literature on positive emotions suggests three critically important consequences that occur as a natural and powerful result of positive emotions. First, when we experience positive emotions, our patterns of thought are affected so that we become more open, more flexible, and our attention is broadened. The opposite occurs with negative states, such as anxiety and depression, where our perceptual bias is narrowed and our perspective becomes pessimistic.

Secondly, positive emotions appear to “undo” negative emotions. For example, the aftermath of some negative event is dramatically affected (in healthy ways) by having a happy, pleasant experience.

Third, positive emotions allow us to be more resilient. We can cope with negative events better. We recover from stress faster, and we are more prepared to deal with adversity and difficulty. At the same time, we remain more open to healthy, creative and rewarding experiences. 

So it’s clear that positive emotions have tremendous value. How can you nurture these experiences with your children? Here are several key ideas to take your summer time fun, and build upon it so create something that’s even better for your children.

1.  Get engaged in real life. 

Be a family that gets out in the world, and spends time interacting with other families, community organizations, and the out of doors. Be involved with nature, where you can hike with the kids, go fishing or canoeing, or enjoy mountain biking through the woods.

The theme here is “engaged activity,” rather than passively being entertained. This is the classic coach potato. One additional finding from the literature is also very clear. The more that we allow our children to grow up expecting to be “entertained” by the world around them (i.e. TV, video, computers, and possibly parents), the more they lose an awareness for how they can actually create their own happiness. Engagement in such passive activities produces depressing emotions, rather than positive emotions. So instead…

2.  Leave your worries behind. 

Most young kids know how to be fully engaged in the present moment. The world teaches them to move away from this joyful state. Why? Because few of us know how to teach such “present” awareness in our lives. We tend to teach the opposite. We worry. We fret. We criticize. We note what’s wrong…rather than what’s right.

It’s every meal. It’s every car ride. It’s every homework session. It’s every night over the news. It’s every phone call the kids hear while we talk to our parents. 

It’s …everywhere.

To show our kids how to live without such worry and turmoil, we have to figure out how to do this ourselves. When out with the family, be with the family. When thoughts arise about this fear or that worry, or what you should be doing or could be doing, just notice such thoughts aren’t really helping you. We like to believe they serve some function, but they rarely do. 

Once you realize that, then you don’t have to give energy to that thought. Instead, you can give energy to what you’re doing at that moment…with your kids…with your spouse…with your work…or with your friends. In other words, the unwanted thoughts will still keep showing up in your mind, but you need not feel compelled to give it attention. You have a choice!

Practice ways to be fully present, rather than having conversations about all the things that are happening outside of that moment. When your kids hear and observe you focused on events other that what is “now,” they have to learn that’s what’s important…. based upon what Mom and Dad show them.

And yet, that worry will bring no joy. That will bring no happiness. That will bring few positive emotions. So in its place…

3.  Be attentive to positive emotions…when they are happening. 

Rather than noticing when the kids are frowning a bit, or complaining, or bickering with one another, simply let that go. Don’t give it your attention.

Instead, wait for a giggle, a smile or a look of contentment and joy. When that arises put your energy there. Give “the good stuff” more of your attention and energy.

By that I mean, smile at your daughter. Put your arm around your son. Nod your head. Acknowledge the positive moment, but not in a melodramatic and absurd fashion. Instead, be subtle, and yet authentic with your attention. 

Next, to take this to the next level, remember to…

4.  Become unusually curious about moments of joy and pleasure. 

Ask your kids to tell you about how it feels inside their body to be smiling. Ask them to recall what made them laugh. Ask how the feeling moves through their body when they are giggling. Ask how it feels to see someone else smile. Be open with them in these moments.

Be willing to share what makes you smile, and how it feels on the inside. Again, remember to be authentic and sincere, not melodramatic and unrealistic. Keep focused on the good stuff, and become a model for your kids. Become curious about the joyful experiences more than the painful ones. 

When you are getting ready to tuck the kids in bed, talk about what made them smile. Talk about the wonderful moments. Chuckle again together, and re-live that moment.

You could even suggest that they might have a wonderful dream, where they remember watching that fish jump out of the water, or recall how their Grandmother smiled when they were surprised to see them, or even how exhilarating it felt to get to the top of that mountain. Just take those moments and review them, and expand upon them.

5.  “The Good Stuff Journal”

You could even encourage your children to start a journal early in life, where they focus on “the good stuff.” Too much attention has been given to the idea that we should journal about our painful and difficult experiences. The literature is not particular suggestive that this has positive impact. 

Yet, there is clear data to suggest that nurturing and focusing on positive moments has a healthy and beneficial effect. Thus encourage your children to start a journal, and call it “The Good Stuff Journal.” You could help them save pictures in their journal, and write stories, and maybe someday turn some of these into stories for school.

Encourage your kids to review and expand upon the memories of “the good stuff.” Explain how wonderful it is to review our best moments, and to keep these alive within us. 

There you have it.  Five simple ways to take the good stuff, and make it better. Have a wonderful summer, and keep expanding on the good stuff.  Read more about nurturing the good stuff: Click Here!


Randy L. Cale, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist